Chapter Two

When Liz opened her eyes, she saw four year-old Liz was playing dress-up with her dolls on the floor in her room, trying to drown out the noise she heard coming from the front room. Liz’s Mom had the strange sounds in her voice again that made Liz really scared. It was the sound that she was crying, but trying really hard not to. Everyone knew if that if he saw you crying, he got even more mad. She didn’t even understand what the words where that he was yelling. It didn’t matter – it never mattered, really. He was always angry. Liz didn’t know why her daddy was always so angry. She didn’t understand how he could be so nice sometimes, then why he would get mean. Liz did know a lot of things, though. She knew what mattered right now: she needed to stay in her room, stay quiet and don’t let him see you. She knew that if she made a sound, even a cough, he might come in to her room. Liz knew if he came into her room, he would see her. If he saw her, he would scream at her and he might hit her. He always said he was going to hit her, but he didn’t always do it. Sometimes Mom would stop him, but sometimes he would just say it to scare Liz. Still, Liz knew she needed to stay in her room and be quiet.

Liz had been in her room since dinner, and she really needed to go to the bathroom, but she still heard daddy awake and yelling, so knew if she opened her door, she might get yelled at, yet if she didn’t, she was going to have an accident. Liz looked around her room to make sure it was clean. If daddy came into the room and it wasn‘t spotless, even if Liz just went to the bathroom and was coming right back, she would be yelled at. Liz sighed and picked up her doll and all the clothes. She quickly shoved them under her bed, and looked back. Unless he got down on his knees to look under her bed, her room looked clean. Liz walked to her door and listened. Things got quiet in the other room. Liz tried to be really quiet and turned the doorknob slowly, and then very slowly and gently pushed her door open, and then she paused. She didn’t hear anything, so she quickly ran down the hall to the bathroom. She heard his voice, but he wasn’t talking to her, so she finished up and was heading back to her room and he came stumbling down the hall, and spotted Liz. “Liz, what are you doing awake?” asked daddy. “Uh, I was playing with my dolls.” “Isn’t it past your bedtime, Liz?” “I don’t think so, Mom hasn’t come in to tell me yet to go to bed.” “You lying little brat! I know your Mother was in there just a few minutes ago, I sent her in to tell you to go to sleep. Get your ass back into your room, NOW! Get into your fucking pajamas and get your ass in bed and go the fuck to sleep, you lying little brat!” screamed daddy. Liz ran back into her room as fast as she could, praying that he didn’t follow her and shut the door gently. She wanted to slam it, but that would be an invitation for him to come in and hit her. Liz was fighting back tears, but she knew if he followed her and saw her crying, he would yell at her even more. Liz started to get undressed, then saw her doll lying on the floor. Liz picked it up so she could put it away, but just as she stood back up, daddy opened the door. He saw Liz standing there with her doll in her hand and Liz saw that look come into his eyes. Liz knew she was going to get hit. “Daddy, I was just cleaning up my doll! I wanted to put it away before I went to bed. Honest daddy, I was cleaning it up, see?” Liz ran to the drawer where she kept her dolls and put it away as quickly as she could, and started to get undressed for bed. Mom walked into the room to see what was going on. “Liz, sweetie, go ahead and get into your pajamas. Jim, honey, I’ll get Liz into bed, and then I’ll meet you in our room, ok? I won’t be long, I know Liz will be good now.” said Mom, as she put her hands on daddy to try to guide him out of the room. Dad jerked his arm out of Mom’s hands while glaring at her. He signed a deep breath and then started yelling, “This girl is a lying little bitch. She told me she was cleaning up, but when I came in here, she was fucking playing with that damn doll. Liz, get me that damn doll, NOW! Hurry your ass up, Liz.” Liz couldn’t hold back any longer, the tears came streaming down her cheeks as she went to get her doll. Liz wasn’t sure why daddy wanted the doll, it didn’t make any sense to Liz why he would want her doll, but she ran across the room, grabbed the doll and rushed to hand it to dad. When he got the doll, he looked from the doll to Liz several times then he screamed, “This is the last damn time you play with this fucking doll. Maybe you’ll learn when I tell you to do something, you fucking damn well better do it, Liz.” Then, he ripped the dolls head, arms and legs off the doll, threw the pieces at the wall as hard as he could and then, with a smile of satisfaction said, “There. No more doll to get you in trouble, Liz. Now, get undressed and go to bed.” Then, dad turned around and stumbled out of Liz’s room, and shut the door with a bang, leaving Liz and her Mom in the room.

Liz looked up at her mom, and tried hard not to cry, but she couldn’t help it, tears came streaming down Liz’s cheeks. Mom said, “Ok, Liz. Let’s get ready for bed. I’ll see if I can fix the doll while you get dressed for bed, ok?” Mom picked up the dolls head, body, arms and legs and started trying to piece back together Liz’s doll while Liz started getting undressed. Mom was trying to put the dolls head back on, when the door flew open again. There was daddy standing there, with his belt in his hands. “Liz, since you can’t follow fucking directions, you need a spanking. Get your shorts and underwear off, NOW!” “Jim, honey, why don’t you let me take care of this?” “Shut up! Liz needs to learn that when I tell her to do something, she’s going to do it. Liz, get those shorts off now!”

Liz knew there was nothing to be done, so she scrambled out of her shorts and underwear, and looked up at Mom. Mom shook her head with tears in her eye and walked out of the room, then turned around and stood at the doorway. “Come here, Liz. I want you to bend over the end of your bed. Good girl, Liz.” Then, daddy started whacking Liz on her bare butt. The brown leather belt was wide and thick, and each whack hurt. Liz couldn’t help crying out, and each time she did, daddy would yell, “Quit your damn screaming, Liz, or I’ll really give you something to scream about!” Liz felt like her butt was bleeding. Finally, after about eight or nine whacks, he stopped. Just stopped, and walked out. He didn’t say a word to Liz. She wasn’t sure if it was ok to get up, or not. If he didn’t tell her to get up, and she got up, she’d get hit more. She laid there crying, waiting; waiting to be hit some more or waiting to be told to get up.

Liz finally closed her eyes and she was in a magical place, a place only she could get to. Liz found herself in a place where daddy didn’t exist to hurt her; a place where the mother always loved and protected the girls. Liz was in her imaginary world, and it felt so real to her. She found that if she moved her arms like a bird, she could float in the air. That feeling of flying gave Liz such a tremendous feeling of calmness; flying became Liz’s favorite thing to do in her make-believe world. When she was flying, no one and nothing could grab her, hurt her or yell at her. Liz was on her own, she was safe.